(T)he allegations… “standing whilst naked watching X whilst X was getting changed to take a shower in a manner which X found uncomfortable; getting into the shower next to X, turning to face X without turning on the shower and starting to masturbate and leaving the showers with an erect penis and watching X in the mirrors whilst X dried himself”.
The sexual chemistry between men in gyms has always fascinated me, and I wrote an article about exactly this sort of encounter in a London City gym a few months before the above incident, in the summer of 2004. In an employment tribunal hearing, as described in this Guardian report, the details are emerging of the reasons why a gay man was sacked by HSBC.
If I were HSBC, I would sack the guy making these allegations of “sexual harassment” – because such blame and victimy blustering outrage over behaviour that happens every day in gyms can only be driven by a fundamentalist belief system that enshrines “modesty” as one of its core values, or another personal or political agenda that is homophobic, in the true sense of the word: fear of the same (sex). Sexual harassment employment legislation can create victims, not protect them. If the gay man loses his case here, I’d be very disappointed; the erect penis will not go away in public showers, just because it’s legislated against. You lose your job because, in a gymnasium (the word means naked) your penis twitches, on beholding beauty? Please.
Irritatingly, the gay man concerned seems like a right prig, for he says “I think the idea of casual sex with a stranger is repulsive.” But he still doesn’t deserve to lose his job because of that.
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I can only speak for myself here, but in my years of discreetly and mindfully cruising other men in similar situations, I have never come across such direct, aggressive and flagrant sexual advances. Even the most desperate and persistent come-ons have been after I’ve given them a clear signal that I’m at least ‘on-side’.
There are usually several stages both parties need to go through before such forwardness is ventured – various signals and reciprocal signals. This is in anonymous situations, imagine how much more necessary such signals and stages are in a WORK related situation, where your position and JOB is on the line!
In the normal course of events you KNOW if someone is not looking for it or up for it. If they don’t catch on to your subtle signals and return with other signals you just DON’T go there. To do so would be sheer lunacy.
The description of events given by the alleged ‘victim’ of sexual harassment seems extremely unusual behaviour and so extremely unlikely.
That is IF the ‘victim’ didn’t give any signals (they would have to be clear and repeated in this situation – you can’t really do it by accident; a normal smile for example is not enough) that would lead a person in a work-related environment to feel confident enough to make such full-on, brazen advances.
So, from the little information available, I’d say the ‘victim’s’ complaint is a crock of homophobic shit – and if the gay guy wins this case, the ‘victim’ needs to be sacked.
That said, unlikliness does not prove innocence and the gay guy could be an arrogant twat who thinks he can get away with flashing his willy willy nilly.
No means no. ALWAYS.
Hi there anonymous,
If you share your experience of male gym showers with me, I’ll share mine. Only fair.
Regarding rape and sexual assault, of course “no means no”. But the sort of behaviour that is described in these allegations is neither rape nor sexual assault.
I was doing a search on this topic as just last night I was involved in a similar situation.
I was alone in my gym’s steam room when another man entered and started to masturbate openly and without concern about whether I was comfortable with it or not. After a few minutes of avoiding the man and hoping he would get the picture, I turned to him and asked him to stop. The man continued to masturbate then left the steam room a few minutes later. Not once during this encounter did I give him any sign I was interested in his advances. I am certain the man felt he could act this way without consequence as we were the only two in the room, which I found sexually predatory.
The reason I didn’t leave the steam room was that I would have had to walk very closely past him, and feeling violated enough I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, so I waited.
I think I was well within my rights to tell my gym’s staff about the man, and that if his gym membership was not revoked then I would seek to claim back my joining fee before cancelling my own membership.
I am gay, but this man’s behaviour was in no way provoked and was the most degrading experience of my life. The fact I was naked does not mean I had given up my personal freedom or that I had no right to say no when I was being victimised.
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